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Fuck Colin Kaepernick

The First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America is that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

So that being said, it is my First Amendment right to say FUCK COLIN KAEPERNICK. Let that fucking idiot protest all he wants, but let me call you an idiot if you follow what he is protesting.

Colin Kaepernick announced that he wasn’t going to vote last year after spending an entire season kneeling for the national anthem to protest “the system.” The fucking idiot then continued to wear socks that depicted cops as pigs:

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If all cops are pigs, then are all African Americans murderers?

https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2015/crime-in-the-u.s.-2015/tables/table-43

No, right? That would be patently absurd. Yet Colin Kaepernick wore those socks and some dumb fucks stood behind him and supported that message. Every single one of those idiots would dial 911 as soon as they were in an unforeseen situation. I fucking WISH the cops were allowed to take a knee on 911 calls to people that didn’t support them so the victims could see what would happen to them. Police officers have the hardest job in the world and yeah, sometimes they make the wrong decision in the spur of the moment that sometimes takes the life away from a suspect. You know how to stay alive? Listen to the fucking police officer.

Colin Kapernick claims that black males are targeted by police and the justice system. You know why? Black males make up 6% of the US population yet they commit 51% of all murders in the US. So yeah police officers are going to patrol in high risk areas. So while an officer pats an innocent person down, they’re really keeping the neighborhood safe; but according to Colin Kaepernick, they’re all pigs. If all cops are pigs, what would you call the 6% of black males that commit 51% of all violent crimes?????

Please, look at this chart and compare it to the overall US demographics:

https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2015/crime-in-the-u.s.-2015/tables/table-43

 

Yes, it’s patently absurd to say that all African Americans are murderers. Yet Colin Kaepernick wore socks that depict cops as such? Bullshit. Fuck that guy. Sure, some police officers have shot and killed some people that didn’t deserve to die. But please, being a police officer is probably the hardest job on the planet. Imagine kissing your wife and/or kids goodbye in the morning and not knowing if you’d see them that night?

 

And now, partially because of Colin Kaepernicks’s anti-cop sentiment, people are targeting cops at a historic rate:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/07/05/police-officer-deaths-on-duty-have-jumped-nearly-25-percent-in-2017.html

So, you know what? Fuck Colin Kaepernick. And honestly, fuck you if you support that piece of shit. If you truly think that the black man is oppressed in today’s America, I invite you to take a step back and look at a country that just had a black President, has 85%+ of NFL players, and let’s not forget that over 300,000 white men died in the Civil War in the fight to free the slaves.

Let’s also not forget that his dumb ass girlfriend had to tweet this right as the Ravens were contemplating signing Kaepernick to their roster:

The NFL is a league that has very good teams and very bad teams. Very good teams have very good Quarterbacks that don’t need a backup (Kaepernick) to come in and start a media circus. Bad NFL teams either have rookies or young QBs that are bound to get snaps so the front office can get an idea of whether or not they can be the future of the franchise. Signing a shitty backup that will bring a hundred thousand million reporters with him will bring a team nowhere. It’s the same reason why Tim Tebow isn’t on a team. No team wants a backup QB with baggage. Especially one that is a fucking numbskull.

Oh man, can you imagine the HORROR of being adopted by a wealthy white family in California?

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Yeah, the “horror.”

Finally, I’m going to remind you that this dumb fuck DIDN’T EVEN VOTE IN THIS YEAR’S ELECTION. AND HE SUPPORTS FIDEL CASTRO. Here’s a statement from Armando Salguero, a Cuban NFL reporter that works for the Miami Dolphins:

According to Human Rights Watch, “Cuban citizens have been systematically deprived of their fundamental rights to free expression, privacy, association, assembly, movement, and due process of law. Tactics for enforcing political conformity have included police warnings, surveillance, short-term detentions, house arrests, travel restrictions, criminal prosecutions, and politically motivated dismissals from employment.”

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“Like minds think alike.” Really, so Colin Kaepernick and Fidel Castro agree that free expression, speech, association, etc, should be met with imprisonment and murder? Yeah that’s fucking tight. So get off your high horse and realize that Colin Kaepernick is a fucking idiot that can’t tell his ass from his elbow. If he was serious about changing the criminal justice system, he would run for office and run on that platform. Obviously the system is flawed (as is any system), so he could use his notoriety to secure a position in the government a la Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Or perhaps Colin Kaepernick has become self aware and realized that his marginal intelligence would only make it so far in politics. A black man raised by a wealthy white family that made millions in the NFL must be so oppressed.

Kaepernick announced his support of Fidel Castro just days before playing the Miami Dolphins last year. Kiko Alonso was the starting middle linebacker for the Dolphins. His father is a Cuban exile. Kiko ended up with 12 tackles, an INT, a forced fumble, and had the game winning tackle on Kaep on the last play of the game, which he posted on Instagram:

Vamos Coño !!!! 🇨🇺🇨🇺 #finsup #miamidolphins #cubalibre

A post shared by Kiko Alonso (@elbravo_47) on

“Usually, I just try to play my game. But I did try to hit him.” Alonso also added, “he’s ignorant.”

So, if you’re going to take all your information from an NFL player, maybe take it from Kiko Alonso instead of dumb fuck Colin Kaepernick. Kiko and his father have been through Hell and back, while Colin was raised by a wealthy family, had a full ride at Nevada, and was carried to a Super Bowl by Jim Harbaugh. So fucking oppressed. Every day that Colin Kaepernick isn’t on an NFL roster my smile gets wider and wider.

 

P.S.

NFL Week 3 Picks

Welcome back to everybody’s favorite weekly gambling write-up. I ask you not to judge me on my winners; I ask you to judge me on my losers, because I have so few.

After a slow start in Week 1, last week my picks went 4-2, bringing my season total to 7-5.   The first couple weeks are the hardest to bet on, so it’s a good sign that I’m already almost at a 60% win percentage. Lets recap last week:

 

Tennessee Titans (-1.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars WIN

Cleveland Browns (+8) @ Baltimore Ravens LOSS

Philadelphia Eagles @ Kansas City Chiefs (-5.5) WIN

Miami Dolphins @ Los Angeles Chargers (-4) LOSS

Washington Redskins (+2.5) @ Los Angeles Rams WIN

Green Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons (-3) WIN

 

Here’s what I learned last week:

  • DeShone Kizer sat out with a MIGRAINE for half of the game against the Ravens. I thought migraines were just a made up thing that girls used to get out of sex. Kizer returned to the game after Kevin Hogan stunk up the joint and the Browns had 3 consecutive possessions to get the backdoor cover. Instead, Kizer threw an interception in the end zone, another one past midfield, and then a turnover on downs just outside the red zone to end the game. So that was pretty aggravating.
  • Keenan Allen did his thing with 100 receiving yards, but stop me if you’ve heard this before; Phillip Rivers decided to suck his own taint down the stretch. To make matters worse, their kicker Younghoe Koo shanked a FG as time expired. 845862416-0

 

Class dismissed. Onto Week 3:

 

Denver Broncos (-3) @ Buffalo Bills

I hate being “I got the early line” guy, but I got the Broncos -2 early on Monday. Anytime you can hop on a line under 3, 7, 10, or 14, it’s clutch and increases your odds of winning.

Normally, I avoid betting on west coast teams traveling east during the 1 PM slot since their body clocks aren’t usually adjusted, but defense always travels. This Denver Broncos team is built on defense with studs at all levels. Von Miller and Derek Wolfe can cause havoc off the edge while Brandon Marshall cleans up between the tackles. Then the Broncos have 2 of the top 10 corners in the league in Aqib Talib and Chris Harris Jr.

The Buffalo Bills scored THREE points last week against a Panthers defense that can’t hold a candle up to the Broncos D. LeSean McCoy ran for 9 yards on 12 carries. The Broncos held Ezekiel Elliott (a better RB than Shady) to 8 yards on 9 carries last week behind the best offensive line in football. The Bills don’t have enough talent in their receiving corps to alleviate any potential pressure by the Broncos. They’re going to stack the box and pressure Tyrod Taylor over and over and over and over and over….and over and over and over and over. Rookie WR Zay Jones caught a case of the drops last week, and Jordan Matthews has been close to useless. Talib and Harris Jr could handle those two with one arm tied behind their backs. The only weapon on the Bills worth monitoring this week is TE Charles Clay. Clay is 2nd on the team in receptions and targets, and he’s going up against the Broncos defense that allowed 75 year old Jason Witten to rack up a 10-97-1 stat line last week.

Talib might be in store for another one of these:

On offense, Trevor Siemian has been one of the top QBs in the league through 2 weeks. He’s bound to regress eventually, but with CJ Anderson becoming the early favorite for comeback player of the year, the Broncos have an efficient enough run game to control the time of possession if Siemian does falter this week.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7.5) @ Chicago Bears

The Steelers are headed into Chicago to face a borderline incompetent Bears team. Da Bears have been decimated by injuries already and Mike Glennon has looked lost at QB. The Steelers have outscored their opponents 47-27 so far this year and neither Antonio Brown nor Le’Veon Bell has found their way into the end zone yet. I think this week will be Le’Veon’s time to shine. After holding out for seemingly all of training camp, Bell said himself that he still had to get himself into playing shape. After two games which could be considered preseason games (the Browns and the Sam Bradford-less Vikings), Le’Veon should be ready to be back to his old self in both the running and passing game.

With Martavis Bryant being on the field and finally not being suspended, Antonio Brown already has 244 receiving yards. Bryant is taking the top off the defense, which in turn is allowing AB to run free underneath in short to intermediate routes. So while Bryant has the long play capability, Antonio can now catch the ball in space and make plays in the open field. As the Steelers offense works together more and more, they’ll all start to click, and the Bears defense that is already banged up will be eating their dust.

The Steelers have a nasty front 7 and the Bears may be without starting guard Josh Sitton. The Steelers are expecting DE Stephon Tuitt and rookie OLB TJ Watt to return from injuries this week. Their offseason addition of Joe Haden at CB should be more than enough to handle Kendall Wright, Markus Wheaton, or whoever the Bears trot out at WR.

The Bears only ran for 20 yards last week en route to a 29-7 loss at Tampa Bay. Glennon threw 2 picks and lost a fumble. Rookie RB Tarik Cohen lost a fumble as well. This Bears team is trending in the wrong direction and they’re about to get swept up by the Steel Curtain.

Atlanta Falcons (-3) @ Detroit Lions

The matchup of the game is Lions DE Ziggy Ansah vs Falcons LT Jake Matthews.

Ziggy Ansah

Ansah dismantled Giants LT Ereck Flowers last week on MNF and recorded 3 sacks. Matthews held his own against the Packers Nick Perry last week and even threw some blocks on his cousin Clay. This is the biggest matchup of the game. If Ansah replicates his Week 2 performance, Matt Ryan will be forced out of the pocket and more prone to turnovers. If Matthews holds it down, Matt Ryan will be able to sit back and pick apart a Lions secondary that is actually a pretty solid unit. However, it doesn’t really matter who is covering Julio Jones, as we saw last week.

An important injury to keep a tab on is Lions rookie MLB Jarrad Davis. He suffered a concussion last week and hasn’t practiced yet this week. Even if he does play, he leads all inside linebackers with 10 receptions allowed. So while he’s a playmaker between the tackles and in the backfield, his inefficiencies in coverage must have Devonta Freeman, Tevin Coleman, and Austin Hooper salivating.

I think that this will be a similar game to the Packers-Falcons game last week. The Falcons are going to put up points no matter what. The Lions don’t have enough firepower to keep up with the Falcons. Even with the Falcons losing Vic Beasley for a month, their defense is still solid enough to force some turnovers and get big stops. If they can do it to Aaron Rodgers, they can do it to Matthew Stafford.

The Lions best chance to stay in the game this week falls in Stafford’s ability to get the ball to Marvin Jones and Kenny Golladay deep down the field. If he dinks and dunks to Golden Tate, Eric Ebron, and Theo Riddick, the Lions will find themselves way in over their heads before halftime.

The Lions can battle, but I think that there are too many “ifs” that need to happen, while the Falcons have proven time and again that they are an offensive juggernaut and that they are as close to a sure thing to hang 28+ points a week that there is.

Oakland Raiders (-3) @ Washington Redskins

Yeah, I’m taking another road team favored by 3. It’s Sunday Night Football and I don’t think that the Redskins are ready for the bright lights. The Redskins have yet to put it together, by losing to the Eagles in Week 1 and only beating the Rams by 7 last week. On the other hand, the Raiders beat a potential playoff team in the Titans in Week 1, and then murdered the Jets last week. Last week’s victory over the Jets could be viewed as a “tune-up game.” To quote Paul Crewe from The Longest Yard, “You need a tune-up game. In college, we’d start every season against Appalachian State or some slack Division II team. Kick the living shit out of them. Get their confidence up.”

deal

So the Raiders are going to come into DC riding high off of a victory in which Derek Carr threw only 5 incomplete passes in 28 attempts. Three players rushed for touchdowns, including a guy who nearly only returns kicks. Michael Crabtree scored a hat trick of TDs. Khalil Mack, Karl Joseph, and Mario Edwards Jr all recorded sacks.

Does this look like a guy planning on letting his team lose anytime soon?

A potentially huge injury to monitor is Redskins’ TE Jordan Reed. His career has been littered by injuries and his most recent one is apparently a chest contusion. He missed several weeks with a shoulder injury last week, and his initial diagnosis was that he re-aggravated that. So who truly knows whats going on with him. If Reed is unable to go, dinosaur Vernon Davis would take his spot. It’s also worth mentioning that this is a revenge game for Terrelle Pryor, so he’s bound to score a TD.

NFL: Preseason-Chicago Bears at Oakland Raiders

 

 

That’s all for this week. We’re going 4-0. Call me the movie It because every Penny you spend with me will be Wise.

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NFL Week 2 Picks

Welcome back ya filthy animals. Week 1 came and went and we hit .500. Like I said, the first few weeks of the season are wildly unpredictable and only a fool would bet on these games. So needless to say we’ll be getting after it again this week. But first, lets recap last week:

 

Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots (-8) LOSS

New York Jets (+9.5) @ Buffalo Bills UNDER 40 WIN WIN

Arizona Cardinals (-2) @ Detroit Lions LOSS

Seattle Seahawks (+3) @ Green Bay Packers LOSS

Carolina Panthers (-5.5) @ San Francisco 49ers WIN

 

Here’s what I learned last week:

  • The Patriots spent so much time and effort constructing one of the greatest offenses in recent memory this offseason that they may have neglected the other side of the ball. Once D’onta Hightower was out of the game, this tattooed hooligan named Cassius Marsh stepped in and got fried by rookie RB Kareem Hunt up the seam.cassius-marsh1
  • Patrick Peterson did in fact eliminate one receiver on the Lions, but it wasn’t Golden Tate. Also David Johnson got hurt before the wheels started coming off the Cardinals wagon. Sue me.

  • I knew that weird new Seahawks logo was a bad omen. Turns out Russell Wilson having sex again didn’t change much as the Seahawks only put up 9 points at Green Bay.

 

Week 1 101 class is dismissed. Lets get into this week’s picks:

 

Tennessee Titans (-1.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

My dumb gambling brain is thinking that it’s about time the Titans right their ship against the spread. Last year when the Titans went into Jacksonville in Week 16 I put the rent on them, and they fell apart. Marcus Mariota suffered a season ending injury, and Blake Bortles caught a TD pass. It was fugazi.

Week 2 is a tough week to bet because everybody overreacts from the smallest sample size available. The Jaguars put on a defensive CLINIC against the Texans last week. They had 10 sacks, 3 fumble recoveries, and an INT. But that was against Tom Savage and a Houston Texan team that still has no idea what they’re doing on offense. The Jags jumped out to an early lead and they were able to hide their QB inefficiencies by running the ball 39 times compared to 21 passes. Of Bortles’ 21 passes, he was only able to complete 11 of them. Part of the reason was that #1 wideout Allen Robinson suffered a season ending injury.

The Titans couldn’t keep up with the Oakland Raiders last week en route to a 26-16 loss. Last week they took an L but this week they’re gonna bounce back. Mariota is the truth, and he now has another week of practice with rookie WR Corey Davis and former Jet Eric Decker. The Jags secondary is also banged up:

Despite the Titans signing CB Logan Ryan and drafting CB Adoree’ Jackson, their secondary is by far the weakest part of their team. Fortunately for them, the Jaguars’ biggest weakness is the QB position. The Jaguars will likely try to pound the rock with rookie RB Leonard Fournette and Chris Ivory, so the Titans will stack the box. That’ll lead to a lot of 1-on-1 man coverage outside. Blake Bortles will be without Allen Robinson and rookie WR Dede Westbrook, so the Titans’ new guys will be paired up against the likes of Allen Hurns, Marqise Lee, and Arrelious Benn. Advantage Titans, especially if Adoree’ can make more plays like this:

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Cleveland Browns (+8) @ Baltimore Ravens

The Cleveland Browns may have finally found their QB of the future in DeShone Kizer. An underrated talent out of Notre Dame, he and now healthy Corey Coleman made the Steelers look silly several times last week. You can still pencil in a ‘W’ when facing the Browns, but they’re no longer the ‘win the game by 14′ Browns. They fought until the final whistle last week and lost 21-18 to a Steelers team that is much better than this Ravens squad.

Meanwhile the Ravens are favored by so much because they shut out an atrocious Bengals offense that hasn’t scored a touchdown in 8 quarters to start the season. They forced 5 turnovers but were only able to capitalize by scoring 20 points. The Ravens also lost pass catching RB Danny Woodhead last week, so unproven RB Javorius “Buck” Allen will have to take his spot. Joe Flacco had an injured back all offseason and only completed 9 of his 17 passes last week, so it’s possible that the Ravens are trying to limit his throws until he is fully healthy. The Browns should capitalize on that and force Flacco to beat them through the air. The Ravens do have Jeremy Maclin and speedster Mike Wallace, so I think that the Browns’ secondary is the key to the game. They gave up 182 yards to Antonio Brown and 2 TDs to TE Jesse James last week, so they have to up their game. Look out for rookie safety Jabrill Peppers to make some plays out there. I don’t love this pick, but I think the Browns can narrow the gap at the end of the game with a backdoor cover.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Kansas City Chiefs (-5.5)

The Eagles have a really good defense everywhere but the secondary. They addressed that problem by trading for Ronald Darby this offseason. Unfortunately for them, he just went down with an ankle injury last week.

So now the same Chiefs team that just dismantled a much better Patriots secondary is playing at home. Tyreek Hill had his first 100+ yard receiving game and I think he’ll make it 2 in a row this week. We saw how effective Kareem Hunt is in the passing game last week, and how can we forget Travis Kelce at TE. The biggest question for the Chiefs will be how they fare with star safety Eric Berry suffering a season ending achilles injury. His absence may open up the middle of the field for Eagles TE Zach Ertz. Ertz caught all 8 of his targets last week for 93 yards, so Carson Wentz will definitely continue to look his way.

The Chiefs beat the Patriots in New England by 15. Tom Brady and company are a much better team than Carson Wentz and company. Also lets not forget that Chiefs Head Coach Andy Reid was fired by the Eagles less than 5 years ago. Revenge game baby.

philadelphiaeaglesvseattleseahawkst-uqab3ecd0l

Miami Dolphins @ Los Angeles Chargers (-4)

The Keenan Allen breakout game. When he’s healthy, Keenan Allen is one of the most efficient receivers in the game. He was running free last week against two of the best corners in the league in Aqib Talib and Chris Harris Jr. The Dolphins have next to nobody in their secondary, and I expect Philly Rivers to light it up alongside Allen and Melvin Gordon.

On the other hand, Jay Cutler will be making his Dolphins debut after coming out of retirement. He hasn’t been good/healthy in a long time and I’m not expecting anything positive coming from Smokin’ Jay. He’ll continue to force the ball into double coverage, and probably throw an INT for every TD he throws. To make matters worse, Jay Ajayi has been reporting knee pain:

His knee troubles at Boise St resulted in Ajayi dropping all the way down to the 5th round of the 2015 draft. Retired QB collecting a paycheck in the same backfield with an RB who has ticking time bombs for knees? Give me the Chargers and the Joey Bosa-Melvin Ingram duo at defensive end and Casey Hayward shutting down DaVante Parker.

Washington Redskins (+2.5) @ Los Angeles Rams

Lets not overreact to last week’s results. Throw the Rams’ 46-9 win last week out the window. The Colts are an incompetent team without Andrew Luck and their defense allowed Jared Goff to throw for his first 300+ yard game. That was only his 8th career game, so I think he has quite a few more growing pains to go through until he can put out consecutive performances like that.

The Rams were only able to run for 1.9 yards per carry last week, despite having the lead since there was 12:43 left in the 1st quarter. So they’re not a good running team. Meanwhile, the Redskins allowed just 2.4 yards per carry in their loss to the Eagles last week. With two rookies from Alabama in Jonathan Allen and Ryan Anderson helping bolster their front 7, the Redskins are going to make teams beat them through the air, where Josh Norman resides.

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I expect the Redskins to hold the Rams to the 2.2-2.5 yards per carry range and forcing Jared Goff to try to beat them in only his 9th career game. Norman will probably all but eliminate Sammy Watkins, so Goff will have to try to win by throwing to rookie Cooper Kupp, Robert Woods, and Tavon Austin. Yikes.

While the Redskins running game is a mess (Kirk Cousins led the team with 30 rushing yards last week), they have one of the most underrated pass catching running backs in Chris Thompson. He joins Terrelle Pryor, Jordan Reed, Jamison Crowder, and Ryan Grant in one of the most lethal receiving corps in the league. As each day passes, Pryor and Kirk Cousins will build a stronger rapport, as they learn each other’s tendencies and get their timing routes down. They’re just going to get better and better.

Also worth noting for the Rams:

Green Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons (-3)

This game is going to be fun. The Falcons are coming off of the worst collapse in Super Bowl history, and are seeking revenge while unveiling their new stadium.

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This could very well be a preview for this years NFC Championship game. While I think this game will be a shootout, the Falcons’ defense is lightyears better than the Packers’. Matt Ryan at home in his career is 48-22 with a QBR of 99. He’s 38-35 with a QBR of 89 on the road. His completion percentage is over 5% higher at home as well, and with his abundance of weapons against a truly horrid Packers secondary, both numbers should go up. Even with Davon House and Kevin King being added to the Packers secondary, there are far to many weapons for Matt Ryan to pick apart the Pack. I think Julio goes off this week. If the Packers do something to shut him down, they the Falcons have Freeman and Coleman out of the backfield, Mohamed Sanu, Taylor Gabriel, and Justin Hardy out wide, and stiff-arm king Austin Hooper at TE.

Aaron Rodgers is insane but his defense won’t be able to keep him in the game. Ty Montgomery might catch 15 balls and Martellus Bennett might give Falcon fans PTSD, but Keanu Neal, Vic Beasley Jr, Deion Jones, and Desmond Trufant are talented enough to force some turnovers and/or huge stops. 42-38 Falcons?

 

 

There you have it. Six picks this week. We’re going 6-0. Call me Jordan Belfort because I’m gonna be throwing fun coupons at the FBI after this week.

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What Kevin Durant’s New Shoes Taught Me About Overcoming the Haters

Shoe wearer and NBA player Kevin Durant unveiled his latest pair of kicks yesterday, which looked like your standard pair of kicks until BAM:

durant-sole

On the sole is perhaps the most obnoxious and petty shoe design I’ve ever seen. Written in black are some of the several words and phrases that former teammates, fans, and talking heads have used over the past 14 or so months since Kevin Durant decided to leave the Oklahoma City Thunder to join the Golden State Warriors despite just having a 3-1 lead on them in the Conference Finals (people forget that).

They’ve called him a snake, a KowarD, a traitor, a follower, a choker, and a sellout. They’ve said that he doesn’t care about the fans and instead decided to join the team that he couldn’t beat, and breaking up the most electric duo in the game in him and Russell Westbrook.

Durant heard the hisses and insults all year and ended up becoming the 2017 Finals MVP. They had an improbable 16-1 run in the playoffs and KD dropped 30+ in all 5 games in the Finals against LeBron. And boy is he not going to let anybody forget that with the yellow writing on the sole of his new sneakers.

So that had me thinking. Why can’t I stand up to the haters in my own petty manner? I’ve been called a bunch of things over my life, and goddammit I’ve had enough. I’m a well-accomplished 22 year old MAN and I’m no longer standing for anybody’s shit.

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They’ve called me lazy, they’ve called me selfish, some have said I can’t even commit. I’m not a role model, shoutout Charles Barkley.

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I’ve had people complain that I’m not 6’0″. That I’m a washed up, unemployed loser. Well that’s it. I’m literally going to take these insults in stride with me in solidarity with Kevin Durant. We’re just a couple of misunderstood dudes.

Just last year, I got an A in BIO100. I hadn’t taken a science course since my junior year of high school in 2011. I step into BIO100 in 2017 and I aced that shit easier than that movie with Emma Stone. Since you mentioned high school, my track team won the conference championship in 2012 and I’m not going to let you haters forget it. I also scored 4 TDs that year, not to brag.

Wuddup Tho

A post shared by trevozza (@trevozza) on

I’ll also tell you that I’m Funemployed (but slowly dying and considering grad school to further put off joining the real world). And one time in August 2015 I was a whole 25 minutes early to work.

So, like Kevin Durant, I have learned to use my weaknesses as my strengths by literally inscribing them in my sole soul. I look forward to adding more of my accomplishments in the future.

 

 

P.S. Kevin Durant has come a long way in the shoe designing industry.

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NFL Week 1 Picks

The moment we’ve all been waiting for is here, folks. For those of you that dealt with my Game of Thrones posts throughout the summer, I’m finally going to #StickToSports and give out my weekly NFL picks to get us all some extra beer money. For those of you that are new to my (kinda) weekly gambling picks, last year I went 35-21-3 against the spread on https://trevozza.wordpress.com, including a massive parlay in the Divisional Round that let me reap the benefits of for months:

Screen Shot 2017-01-15 at 4.22.17 PM

So for those of you counting at home, that’s a 64.4% success rate. Say you bet $100 a game, you’d be up $1,400 as well as an additional $300 in pushes. Say you bet just $20 a game; you’d still be up $280 plus another $60. And say you hit a parlay during the Divisional Round…..you’re in some serious business. To quote our friend DJ Khaled, ride with me through the journey of more success.

 

It’s Week 1 and nobody really knows anything about anyone, but lets get after it anyway:

Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots (-8) (Now -9)

You’re gonna try to tell me that the Pats don’t win by at least a dozen on their Banner Night following the most improbable comeback in Super Bowl history? The Patriots spent the past month remodeling the stadium to find room to hang their 5th banner.

The loss of Julian Edelman is going to be a minor bump in the road as the Patriots are without a doubt the deepest offensive (and arguably one of the deepest defensive) team put together in recent memory. Tom Brady doesn’t have a suspension looming over his head, Jimmy G is a more than suitable backup QB that would start on at least 1/3 of all NFL teams, and they just traded 3rd stringer Jacoby Brissett for deep threat Phillip Dorsett. They have so many offensive weapons that it’s nearly impossible to predict who will be the biggest threat any given week. They have Dion Lewis, James White, Mike Gillislee, and Rex Burkhead at RB, Brandin Cooks, Chris Hogan, Danny Amendola, Phillip Dorsett, and Malcolm Mitchell at WR, as well as Rob Gronkowski and Dwayne Allen at TE. Pick your fucking poison with this team.

For the Chiefs, they’ll have 3rd round pick Kareem Hunt starting at RB with Spencer Ware suffering a season ending injury. They also have to replace Jeremy Maclin’s production with Tyreek Hill and Chris Conley. Travis Kelce is the Chiefs’ most consistent threat, so Bill Belichick will probably all but eliminate him from the game and force Alex Smith to score points with lesser players.

The Chiefs have a top-10 defense, but they don’t have the depth to deal with the relentless attack that the Patriots will put on. Factor in the 5th banner being raised with the idea of a 19-0 season being tossed around, and this game could be over before it even starts.

New York Jets (+9.5) @ Buffalo Bills UNDER 40

I am going to take the under in every Jets game until they start putting the number ridiculously low. They have without question the worst offense in the NFL, but have a very respectable defense with Leonard Williams and Muhammad Wilkerson leading the charge on their D Line.

This is a classic tank-off between two teams that aren’t even attempting to hide their intentions. The Bills have sold off several players including Sammy Watkins for future draft picks. Then, Anquan Boldin decided to retire just 10 days after deciding to unretire. Tyrod Taylor finally passed concussion protocol on Tuesday, so he has less than five days to prepare for a showdown with new receivers in Jordan Matthews and rookie Zay Jones. With the Bills cutting backup RB Jonathan Williams, LeSean McCoy seems to be the biggest player of the game. He’ll be up against a stingy run defense, but he’ll be able to get open in passing downs against the inexperienced Jets LBs.

The Jets QB situation is a disaster and it certainly doesn’t help that Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker, and Quincy Enunwa are all either off the roster or injured this season. I like the Jets +9.5 because there literally might be less than 9 total points scored in this game. There simply won’t be enough points scored for the Jets to lose by more than 9.

Arizona Cardinals (-2) @ Detroit Lions

I’m putting my eggs back in the Carson Palmer basket this year. I think that he bounces back and has a serviceable year in Arizona while their staunch defense finally sets the tone. Also lets not forget that David Johnson is a bonafide star and could surpass 2,500 yards from scrimmage this season. Against the Lions’ porous defense, DJ2K might bang out a quick 250.

The Cardinals have studs at all levels of their defense. Robert Nkemdiche leads the D Line. Chandler Jones and Markus Golden are edge rushers that will wreak havoc. And how could we ever forget about Patrick Peterson and Tyrann Mathieu making plays all over the field.

Here’s the biggest matchup of the game:

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If (and when) Peterson keeps Golden Tate under wraps, then $135,000,000 QB Matthew Stafford will have to win the game passing to Marvin Jones Jr, Eric Ebron, and Theo Riddick out of the backfield. Mathieu is good enough to seemingly eliminate one of those guys as well.

For the Lions, they will have RB1 Ameer Abdullah back after he suffered a season ending achilles injury in Week 2 last year. His health will dictate how well the Lions can perform this year, as he is by far the best RB between the tackles, compared to Theo Riddick who is/should be a strictly receiving RB.

Regardless of Abdullah’s health, however, I think the Cardinals come in and win with a statement victory that tells the league that their defense ain’t nothing to fuck with.

Seattle Seahawks (+3) @ Green Bay Packers

My preseason pick for MVP this season is Russell Wilson. Dude’s finally having sex again and has got his swagger back.

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Wilson is 100% healthy after being slowed down with a knee injury last year. Tyler Lockett is 100% healthy as well, and with Jermaine Kearse being traded to the Jets, he and Paul Richardson will be ready to make huge plays alongside Doug Baldwin and Jimmy Graham. Once they resolve their clusterfuck at RB with Thomas Rawls, Eddie Lacy, CJ Prosise, and Chris Carson, the Seattle offense will be damn near unstoppable.

Lets not forget that the Seahawks defense is absurd this year as well. The Legion of Boom will be back in action with Jeremy Lane filling in at the other CB spot. I think that Sheldon Richardson will be HUGE this year in a change of scenery on a competitive team.  He, Michael Bennett, Cliff Avril, and Jarran Reed make up one of the most formidable defensive lines in the NFL.

Last year, these teams squared off and the Packers won 38-10. Russell Wilson somehow threw FIVE INTs against the atrocious Packers secondary. I’m going to chalk that game up as a crazy outlier and hope that Aaron Rodgers doesn’t make me eat my words come Sunday.

Rodgers needs to pick apart the star studded Seattle defense in order to keep up with the offensive onslaught that the Seahawks will take part of on Sunday. The Packers signed CB Davon House and drafted CB Kevin King in the 2nd round, but they may only be minor improvements to the 19th ranked secondary of last year according to Pro Football Focus.

The Packers have the weapons on offense in Jordy Nelson, Davante Adams, Randall Cobb, Martellus Bennett, and Ty Montgomery, but can they keep up with the Seahawks? I think not.

It just came to my attention that the Seahawks unveiled this new logo and suddenly I am nervous as can be:

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Carolina Panthers (-5.5) @ San Francisco 49ers

Brian Hoyer is the Quarterback of the 49ers with Carlos Hyde as their only noteworthy RB and Pierre Garcon as their only noteworthy pass catcher. They are not good, nor will they be good. They’ll be in the tank race right alongside the Jets and Bills.

These two teams met last year in Week 2 and Cam Newton threw for 4 TDs en route to a 46-27 victory. I think that this will be a huge comeback season for Cam and he’ll reenter the MVP conversation at the end of the year. With draft picks Christian McCaffrey and Curtis Samuel joining Kelvin Benjamin, Greg Olsen, Devin Funchess, and Jonathan Stewart, the Panthers suddenly have an abundance of playmakers to compliment probably the best dual threat QB in the game. Luke Keuchly of course will be back on defense leading one of the more underrated units in the NFL. I’m not saying this is going to be a bloodbath, but I’m not not saying that.

 

 

So there you have it. Six picks if you count the Jets-Bills Under. I’m fully torqued and read to rock, and I hope you are as well. Until next week, call me Huell from Breaking Bad because I’m gonna be laying on a bed of money.

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P.S. I wouldn’t advise doing this but I bought a bunch of points on a bunch of favorites and parlayed that shit. Crazier things have happened.

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