Now that title is a mouthful. First and foremost, I think that we have to address the big black elephant in the room that is the #RallyDildo.

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As is Mets tradition this season, whenever the Mets win a game, the player that performed the best receives a crown. They are one of many teams to have some sort of post-game award and they’ve done something of the sort for years.

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Mets writers and the Mets social media managers have followed the chronicles of the crown this year and the Mets official Twitter account sent out the above seemingly innocent picture of TJ Rivera in all his glory after the Mets huge comeback win on Saturday over Miami. However, some hawk-eyed fans found something rather alarming in Kevin Plawecki’s locker in the background:

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That is correct, a large dildo found itself in Kevin Plawecki’s locker and the Mets tweeted it out. Plawecki claimed that the dildo was not his and that somebody on the team must have placed it in his locker as a joke. Nevertheless, Mets fans have now rallied behind the #RallyDildo because why not.

Two years ago the Mets rallied behind a raccoon in their weight room and a parakeet. Perhaps this dildo is the one thing the Mets really needed to get the ball rolling again.

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Speaking of cocks, Matt Harvey was scratched from his start on Sunday and it was announced that he was suspended for 3 games without pay for violating team rules. With the amount of injuries the Mets are going through, this must have literally been strike 17 for the Mets to make this move. I know what you’re thinking; this is probably an internal punishment for the dildo incident. Well I’m here to shoot that down:

Matt Harvey’s story is that he golfed on Saturday, ended up with a migraine, and told the Mets that he couldn’t come in to the clubhouse. There was miscommunication somewhere, and Harvey showed up late, only to be told to return back home and that the team was suspending him for 3 days. Rumors are flying that Harvey was actually in Ottawa watching the Rangers play, that he went on some kind of bender after seeing Adriana Lima cozying up with other people at the Met Gala (ironic) and he was hungover, and/or he showed up still drunk on Saturday from the night before. We may never know.

Here’s what I do know; Matt Harvey is no longer ‘the Dark Knight.’ I said it a year ago and I’ll say it again, he is a shell of his former self and it would benefit both the Mets and himself if they part ways. The Matt Harvey that pitches with a half tin in his mouth, has blood pouring out of his nose, and gets visibly pissed after allowing a baserunner is dead and gone.

I still think that Harvey can be a valuable asset for a team, but he needs a clean slate. A new team with new perspectives can tweak his mechanics or strategies and perhaps a sub 3.00 ERA Matt Harvey may return. He just needs to get back in real playing shape and stop having filet mignon and a bottle of red wine every night. If you look at a picture of Harvey now vs. his rookie year in 2012, you can see that he’s added a couple chins and honestly always looks like he woke up in a fluster and was unable to shave before arriving at the stadium.

Whatever happened with Matt Harvey, it came at the absolute worst time. He could’ve set the precedent for this team laden with injuries that the Mets are not backing down but instead was an asshole and forced poor Adam Wilk to step in and get shelled by the Marlins on Sunday afternoon.

The Good:

The Mets went 4-2 this week and have won 3 consecutive series against division rivals. With players dropping like flies, the Mets are managing to find different ways to win games and remain in contention.

Future MVP Amed Rosario is hitting .377 in AAA and may find himself in the MLB much sooner than later. Asdrubal Cabrera may end up on the DL, and with Jose Reyes’ fielding troubles, Amed Rosario is the logical option to call up. Here he is driving in the game winning run with a double on Tuesday:

TJ Rivera has played 3 infield positions and has only committed one error so far this season. He’s found himself in an increased role with the abundance of injuries to the team and is even hitting in the 2 hole. The picture with the #RallyDildo wasn’t the only big dong for TJ this week:

The Great:

What else is there to say about Michael Conforto? He’s a bonafide stud. In his first at-bat after my “everybody is dead” rant, he blasted a Julio Teheran pitch to dead center.

It would be a disservice to the National League if Conforto doesn’t find himself on the All-Star squad.

Speaking of Mets All-Stars:

Jay Bruce hit his 10th homer in a game against the Braves that has since been delayed, postponed, and scheduled to start over. So, in theory, it never happened. It sucks, but that’s baseball, Suzyn. Bruce hit 3 2Bs, 2 HRs, and 9 RBIs this week, and his AVG and OBP are well above his career numbers. He and Conforto have been the two consistent bats on this team.

Jerry Blevins is on pace to appear in 95 games, and he has been lights out so far this season. He has only given up one run all season, and is 2-0 with a 0.82 ERA. He is a wildly underrated arm out of the bullpen and him coming in nearly every game means that the “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry” chants are never too far away.

The Bad:

Grim Reaper trainer Ray Ramirez claimed Asdrubal Cabrera as his latest victim. Cabrera dove in the hole after a ground ball and ended up hurting his thumb. The Mets are still weighing their options, but a DL stint does seem like the next step. His injury came at the worst time, as he has a 5-game hitting streak and had just raised his average to .260. I doubt that the field conditions played a part in Cabrera’s injury, but they did delay the game and put the tarp on the field immediately after he walked off in pain.

Giancarlo Stanton continues to terrorize the Mets. He hit two rockets on Sunday that may have burnt holes through Citi Field. With those homers, he is tied for 8th most home runs hit at Citi, which of course includes all Mets. I’m convinced that if he faced the Mets 162 games a year he’d absolutely obliterate Barry Bonds’ single season record for dingers.

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Noah Syndergaard was placed on the 60 day DL Sunday. People in the know are estimating that we won’t see him again until after the All Star Break.

The Ugly:

Just watch this:

 

In other news, the Mets signed LHP Tommy Milone to be an immediate starter. Milone had a solid stretch from 2011-2014 as a National and Athletic, but has since been ineffective and sent to the bullpen a handful of times. With Steven Matz still working on returning, the Mets desperately needed a left-handed starter to mix things up in their rotation. Hopefully Mets pitching coach Dan Warthen identified things with Milone that they could work on together to make him find his form from a few years ago. With a career 4.21 ERA, I don’t expect much, but hopefully he can be a veteran arm that can eat up some innings and keep the Mets in every game that he starts.

The Mets finally play a team outside of their division in the San Francisco Giants on Monday Night Baseball on ESPN. Jacob deGrom will take the hill against LHP Matt Moore, which means that Wilmer Flores will most likely start at a corner infield spot and hit a homer. With the Giants comes Hunter Pence, which means that we should get our fair share of funny signs to get us through the tough times.

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Rally dildos and Hunter Pence signs, this is all we have to look forward to so far this season. Stay strong out there.