The New York Yankees have won 27 World Series Championships, and have one of the best, if not the best group of young prospects in baseball. They own the largest wallets and shiniest of ballpoint pens to sign MLB’s most sought out free agents in the upcoming season (cough Bryce Harper, cough that arouses me). With that being said, we have a problem.

Part of the official uniform policy states:

“All players, coaches and male executives are forbidden to display any facial hair other than mustaches (except for religious reasons), and scalp hair may not be grown below the collar.”

Bryce Harper likes his hair, and his beard, and his hair, he also likes his beard.


Before you think this, no I do not believe we should change the rule for Bryce Harper. If the rule does not change, he can shave his beard and head twice under a $400 million dollar contract.

As a big time Yankee fan, I get it, the Yanks are all class. Rich, tucked in shirts, no names on the back of the jersey, 27 World Series Championships, and of course no beards.

But let’s take a look at those last two. In 1973, George Steinbrenner, the new owner of the Yankees wanted the team to develop a more corporate culture. He went on to win 7 World Series Championships. With no beards, heads buzzed, and winning. It’s hard to look back and argue this.

I am not a numbers guy, so here are some numbers. The Yankees won 20 of their 27 World Series without a no facial hair policy. 20 World Series wins from 1923 (the 1st one) to 1973 (no beards). That’s 50 years.

They then won 7 from 1973 (no beard inaugural season) to 2009. That’s 36 years. That is not on pace. Which means we need to win 13 World Series out of the next 14 to catch up. Light work.

Here’s the thing, we have the swag to do it, it’s all here:

Didi Gregorious got to become the next SS for the New York Yankees after the GOAT (Derek Jeter, just saying his name can get a chick pregnant) retired. Didi Gregorious answered the call. He is a knight. As in he can (and should) be referred to as ‘Sir Didi Gregorious’. He was part of the Netherlands team that won the 2011 IBAF Baseball World Cup. In return for winning, he was knighted in Curaçao. Our new SS is a fucking knight!

The guy who has to try and fill in for Mariano Rivera, the Greatest Closer of All Time, just so happens to throw 105 mph. Aroldis Chapman is left handed, throws a baseball 105 mph, and is our closer.

Gary Sanchez (24 yrs old) has to fill in for Jorge Posada who used to piss on his damn hands so he can get a better grip on the ball and baseball bat because he didn’t wear batting gloves. So what did Gary Sanchez do? No he didn’t shit on his feet. He just hit 20 homeruns in his first ever 53 games in the second half of last years regular season. Drawing comparisons to Johnny Bench.


Aaron Judge (24 yrs old) our new Right Fielder is 6’7”, 230 lbs, wears the number 99 and swings a fucking tree trunk.

Greg Bird (24 yrs old) is drawing comparisons to Tino Martinez who may have the sweetest swing, 2nd to Griffey. Scouts are saying its better and he has way more power.

Gleybar Torres (20 yrs old) was the 2016 Arizona Fall League Most Valuable Player, at 19 years old. He won it as a teenager. That’s the youngest ever to do it. Think about what you were doing at 19, I know, gross.

And Clint Frazier (22 yrs old)


If you can not see well, he’s a red head and has high aspirations. According to his twitter account he is “trying to be the most ripped ginger of all time” and broke his bat over his leg better than Bo Jackson. So what did we decide to do? We decided to make him shave his head, the one thing that makes a ginger, a ginger, we took it away from him. How does that make you feel Mr. Frazier? Snap a bat over your leg if you’ll forgive the Yanks, grow it out again, and Mash 52 HRs



Thanks man.

Enough with the hair restrictions. Let these young guys swag out, get excited to grow a playoff beard. It’s been 8 years since the last world series which is 48 in Yankee fan years.

Let the boys play, and win.