Dear every professional sports owner,

Remember the good ol’ days when you could go to a game with the entire family,grab a few hot dogs and slug back a couple beers without losing an arm and a leg? Me neither.

This past summer, I started working for a large generic pharmaceutical company.The perks were great. In fact, I even ended up being invited to a Yankees versus Red Sox game at the new Yankee Stadium. The best part is, the tickets were in the Championship Suites and all my “expenses” were paid for. It was a great evening. The weather was perfect, crowd was excited and the pitching match up was exciting. I was living today’s version of what I would call “the corporate American dream.” This was until I went to order a beer with my food. The bartender kindly poured my stout and said “$16 dollars please.” Was this a joke? I was an intern making a measly $10/hr. We know I can’t just buy yourself a drink., especially when I was given these tickets by coworkers. First round of drinks later and I’m down $80.

Major League professional clubs average between 27% and 20% return on their valuation. As an example, if a franchise is valued at a modest $500 million, it would show annual financial returns of between $100 million and $135 million. Those numbers are absolutely mind boggling considering the fact that most of these teams had some sort of government subsidy to create them in the first place.

So let me get this right. Local tax payers, many of whom are of middle to low economic brackets, are going to essentially pay for a hefty portion of a stadium for the billionaire whom proportionately, is paying very little.

So to all sports owners, thank you so fucking much for your ridiculous ticket prices, $16 beers, and overall shitty experiences.

You can kindly lick the from the tip of my asscrack all the way to where it meets my sweaty balls. Please don’t hesitate to rim my asshole a little, and by all means throw in a little Texas Western HJ while you’re over there.