With Super Bowl LI just two days away and the likely hood that the Patriots are about to win yet another ring, I have suddenly started to become severely depressed. So I asked myself, why am I depressed? Is it because my divisional rival is about to be crowned champion for the fifth time in my life? (Yes i am a degenerate Jets fan) Or is it because when the Patriots win I won’t hear the end of it from all my buddies that I went to school with from Massachusetts ? And both of these would have been very good answers to why I am depressed. But I decided to not settle and to dig a little deeper and truly find the root of this dark cloud that hovers over me. So after about 15 minutes of pondering this, I came up with a solution and its pretty clear to me that Bill Belichick is a god damn dementor. Like straight from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I mean he literally dresses like a dementor when he’s wearing that hoodie. Also there is no better description of Bill Belichick than the one that is given for a dementor. Just read it:
“Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself… soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.”
Now am I right. That is literally Bill Belichick. Like this guy is just foul. Have you ever seen him smile? I know i haven’t. Just watch one of his press conferences and try to tell me he is not a dementor. The guy walks into the room and immediately takes all the happiness and hope from a room. He refuses to answer questions and when he does he just gives simple one word answers or essentially tells the guy to go screw himself. I can go on and on with examples about how this guy is dementor. But I won’t do that. Instead I will leave you with one final example.
The date was November 22, 2012, Thanksgiving day. And to start it was just like any other Thanksgiving. Hanging out with the Family and enjoying some good food and joking around with the cousins. The only difference between this Thanksgiving and any other is that the Jets were playing that night in a big game against divisional rival the Patriots. And that’s when the dementor struck. Everything that could have went wrong in that game did go wrong. We’re talking interceptions, we’re talking fumbles on kickoffs, and last but not least we’re talking butt fumbles. The night/holiday literally ended with my dad so angry that he actually ended Thanksgiving and told everyone “Get out of my house, you’ve all had desert. Now get your stuff and get out”. Like how could a day with so many good feelings and good memories just be sucked out of you so quickly. Well look no further then the New England sideline where the hooded figure stands himself, Bill Belichick. THE DEMENTOR. If this man isn’t a dementor than I don’t know who is.