We all have a friend or two that constantly desires to complicate things. While the rest of us idiots are over her babbling on about how fat Melo is, or how the wall just got 10 feet higher, one of our friends is refusing to post anything. We just think it’s because he can’t read, but we will address that at another time. The reality of it all is that he wants an equity stake in a The Daily Dart before he writes anything. First off, we don’t even know if this guy can provide quality material.The rest of us really aren’t worried at all, as we have all been friends for years, and if a time comes when money is involved we will figure it out. But for the sake of this piece, let’s refer to this one troubled friend as DJ Big Nose.

DJ Big Nose is actually a smart guy, and when he brought up the equity at first, I was like shit, I should grab me some equity too. But then I started realizing a few things. By definition the word Equity means,

Informal. ownership, especially when considered as the right to sharein future profits or appreciation in value.”

Now at first glance, I once again think I’m screwed, but lets just go down the list really fast

  1. The Daily Dart is a poorly done website that was made by a few drunk guys in there early 20’s.
  2. While we are on a hot streak with posts now, if we want to be successful we do have to weather the huge storm of continuing to write…..forever.
  3. Majority of our posts are relevant, but as you can see we are already taking a tailspin into taking personal shots at one another.
  4. Along with an absolutely slew of problems, Mitch still doesn’t know the difference between there and their
  5. Finally, our founder (the guy who paid $12 for the website name) is the biggest degenerate of all, but unfortunately he is doomed to get a real bitchy girlfriend soon, and she’ll never let him post in here again.

After reading all of this, I quickly reassured myself that The Daily Dart is 100% going to fall flat on its face eventually, and all I’ll be left with are the memories and the broken cigarettes that I used to make the logo.

BUT, just BUT, by the grace of God, like a unicorn with a lightning rod coming out of his ass, The Daily Dart starts to make it to the big time, then we talk money. Now were speaking DJ Big Nose’s language, but wait, he never joined in the beginning. So last night I did two things. First, I told DJ Big Nose that for every day that he doesn’t post something, we are taking 1% of any and all future equities that would have been given to him, and donating it to Build the Wall – Build the Dream fund. I also purchased him a Bud Light, handed it to him and said, “don’t worry, you won’t regret this for the rest of your life. I’ll still let you come on my yacht occasionally.” Let’s all hope that DJ Big Nose does the right thing, or let’s hope that he holds out, and everything that I have listed above plays out exactly according to plan.

-Newport News