Do you like free money? Because I sure know I do. Now I’m not much of a gambler but this parlay seems too good to be true. I am probably one of the most jaded New York Knicks fans in the history of sports but hear me out…

  • New York Knicks at Dallas Mavericks – New York Knicks +145 (upset)
    • Listen, obviously the Knicks suck but so do the Mavs. The Knicks actually have 4 more wins than the Mavs overall which is hard to believe. The Knicks are only 4-13 in their last 17 which is horrendous, but things aren’t as horrible as they seem. 5 of their last 6 losses were by a combined 11 points. They were in every single game but just couldn’t get it done in the clutch. Their last game at the Pacers was the first time they were able to close out a game in a long time and I believe that this could give us some momentum going forward. This being said, the Mavs have not been playing stellar basketball.Image result for carmelo anthony overweight Contrary to the Knickerbockers, they are 8-9 in their last 17 games so mediocre at best. Also, Melo has actually been paying fairly well since the trade rumors have revved up. He’s actually averaging 26.8 points per game over the Knicks’ last five games. I’m taking the Knicks, 107 – 100, as away dogs.

  • New York Knicks at Dallas Mavericks – OVER 201.5 (-110)
    • I honestly don’t know why I’m talking about these two shitty teams again but here we are. Both of these teams have two things in common. 1) They both suck. 2) They both haven’t been playing any defense as of late. Well, the Knicks never do considering they give up a whopping 108.2 points per game. I legitimately believe that myself and four friends could drop at least 10 points on the Knicks and we are all “hard working”, “fundamentally sound”, “great locker room guys” and “not flashy” if you catch my drift…. On top of this, the Knicks have only failed to score at least 101 points twice in their last 14 games and the Mavs have been on a small scoring burst as of late. I expect that trend to continue. Take the over.
  • Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Sacramento Kings – Cleveland Cavaliers -12 (-110)
    • The Cavs have lost 5 their last 7 contests and are currently trending in the wrong direction. They seem to be on cruise control heading into the All-Star break and look like they have no sense of urgency. This tends to happen every year with the Cavs but something happened after their last loss to the Pelicans that lead me to believe things might change; LeBron went off during his post-game presser. A couple of notable quotes:
  1. “We top-heavy as shit”
  2. “We need a fucking playmaker”
  3. “It’s been a shitty 2017 so far.”
  4. “I don’t got no time to waste. I’ll be 33 in the winter, and I ain’t got time to waste.”
  5. “I just hope that we’re not satisfied as an organization.”

Image result for lebron james mad

Because of these quotes, I believe that the Cavs will come out to play tonight at home and really destroy the Kings. It also helps that the Kings are miserable, 3-10 in their last thirteen games, and 17-27 overall. Expect a route. Cavs win 113 – 95.

  • New York Ranger vs. Philadelphia Flyers – New York Rangers -145 (favorite)
    • It’s Wednesday night rivalry night in the NHL; what a time to be alive. The Rangers and Flyers always provide a tough match-up for both sides and their games always end up being close. That being said, I think that the home team prevails in this game (I would’ve picked the home team either way so that was the deciding factor). The Rangers have been playing exceptional hockey as of late and are 13-4 in their last 17 match-ups. The most positive thing to take away from their recent success is that Hank has really turned it around. The dude was playing like shit and was even losing games to the backup not too long ago so it’s good to see him playing better.Image result for new york rangers They are also 2nd in the league in goals scored per game which is pretty bad ass. Contrary, the Flyers are 7-10 in their lasts 17 contests and three of those wins needed OT or a shootout. They are also 28th in goals against which definitely gives the Rangers the advantage here. This will be a tough match considering the Rangers are 4th in the Metropolitan division with the Flyers right at their heels in 5th. Expect a close one. Rangers win 3-2.

Now listen, will all of these hit? Probably not. But I would say that each of these outcomes, individually, are more probable than not and this is why I say parlay this bitch. Total odds are +1409 so put down $100 and bring home for yourself a cool $1,409. Damn I should start charging money for this advice.

P.S. If you follow this advice you are a sucker. I am horrible at gambling and don’t do it so if you lose money that’s your problem, not mine. Go cry somewhere else.